Christmas!!

Christmas was lovely! I got spoilt, with prezzies and love woohoo! Christmas morning I woke up with flu, but that's the one day it can't get you down. We all opened our prezzies by the tree, everyone loved their stuff. Then we shot through to my dad to collect my brother's new motorbike. Then we came back and helped my mom prepare lunch. My sister and her people came at around 2pm. We all ate lunch, chilled, ate dessert then everyone was sitting around. I felt wicked tired so I went to have a nap. By the time I woke up everyone was gone. Then we went for a drive into Umhlanga. We came back and had chocolate martinis and listened to some chilled cocktail music and sat around the table and had a laugh and stuff, it was lovely.

Here's what I got for my Christmas.
Inception DVD
Camp Rock 2 DVD
20 000 Leagues Under The Sea book
A Tiara
A beautiful Ring
An Ice Cream Cone Cookie Jar
A porclain Cupcake
An Ice Cream Cone pillow
2 Dresses
A costume
Sandals
A 'snuggle up' nighty
3 ugly gnomes
Nail polish
Lip glosses
Fake Eye lashes
An Oven mitt with a Cupcake on
A cupcake stand
Money Gift Voucher
Necklaces
Trinket
Bracelet
Photo Frame
Heart shaped earrings
Star shaped earrings

Weird Dreams

I haven't updated in a while, at least it feels like it's been a while. I deleted some of my later posts as well so it looks like it's been longer than it actually has... ok get on with it now...

I felt the need to write down my freaky ass dreams from last night. It was such weird stuff that I've never dreamt about before, very here and there and mixed up so I'll write down what I remember.

Ok firstly, I was somewhere where like people from a village got saved or something, these woman all had tribal tattoos on their faces. This one woman was lying on a bed, I was checking to see if she was ok, and then she was in a panic, screaming at me telling me what they've done to her and I must look, and she was clawing her hands on my shoulders, I closed my eyes because I didn't want to see and I tried to leave but she wouldn't let me go. I started screaming and eventually someone came to help me get away. After that I was telling everyone what happened and there was a yellow duck walking around. (WTH?)

Next one was a little blonde girl in a yellow dress running after what looked like her twin but smaller. The place looked like a fun fair or something. Her eyes were bright blue and teary. Eventually she followed her twin up some stairs AND THEN this little girl turned into Dakota Fanning and she was stealing from a safe in someones apartment and she had a gun. All of a sudden I could feel how she felt, she was scared and just wanted to leave. But she tucked the money away and her and her friends managed to leave without getting caught by the two guy owners of the flat.

Next one... I was on holiday/living with friends. The place switched between Dublin, Sun City and the La Lucia Mall. And everywhere it was raining. One point in the dream I was at the back of a car with I think my mom, my sister in the front and a friend from Dublin, he was singing some song in a real Irish way and I found it hilarious. Then we were off the road of Dublin city and in a hotel resort where it was raining inside, the place was flooded. I saw a lot more yellow, Cher was somewhere in the dream. And then I was in my room/pool watching music videos and then Vanessa Williams (again WTH?) was at the other end of the pool, she took her gown off and she was wearing a YELLOW (again) bikini and it showed that she was fully pregnant and she got into the pool. Then my friends came to knock to ask if I want to go buy food. I didn't want to go, I felt like I needed to ask Vanessa Williams a question. But I left with them and we were in the mall and we were talking about buying grapes and stuff and I looked around to see all the windows were decorated like it was Easter.

What the hell is all of that? One of the most confusing night of dreams I've ever had. What's with the colour yellow in all of them? And why was it raining all the time even in doors? And why was that freaky tribal woman so desperate to show me her scars? And what did I need to ask pregnant Vanessa Williams? It's all a bit odd.

On a less weird note: I'm excited about Xmas :)

I started this blog because I wanted a place to show all the things that I create. So far I've made it about my crazy ramblings. So I'm going to stop pretending like this blog is about my cupcakes and just go with the natural flow of it being about me. I do apologize for previous posts, I sure know how to be confusing. Anyway I'd like to let everyone know that I am happy. I'm completely content at the moment. Yes I have just woken up but I am content :)

Xmas shopping is going well, we go every night but never seem to get around to buying anything, hehe. So far I've bought my brother and mom something. Tonight I'll get my shopping game on and get the other 3 something great. I was naughty, I bought myself a dress the other night. What? I know it's Xmas time and I could have waited for someone to buy it for me but it was so pretty and things are selling out quick.

Hmm that's all for now :) Oh! I'm busy making a list of possible things to do with my life, when I'm done I shall post it on here.

Vanilla Cupcake with Blue Vanilla Icing

Hello.
Ok first of all, I'm gonna try start this one on a happy note and see how it goes from there. I finally have the pictures of the stuff I baked - YAY!

Ok well that's fun.
That's all for now, Goodbye!

Ok, I haven't posted in a little while. It seems I always tend to write posts when I'm either very happy or a little bit moody. I'm sure as you read you'll see which one I am this morning.
Okay well first of all I'll update you on my dreams;
First I had a dream where I was at my dad and his girlfriend's house. There were lots of animals everywhere. And then there was this legovaan in a pen cage thing. My dad's girlfriend told me to tell the legovaan to write the daily specials on the black board. Then I tried to but I was so freaked out, I told her I couldn't do it, so she laughed at me and gave me a hug and told me to just do it. So I tried again, it ran under some hay and came back up and it had turned into a fluffy white pig and eventually wrote the daily specials on the bed. After that I dreamt my sister kissed some guy in front of her boyfriend and I shouted at her for it and actually felt sorry for her boyfriend.
Next I dreamt of someone two nights in a row, but each time the person wasn't themselves, their face had changed into someone elses. Also in the dream the person wasn't very nice to me when I tried to be nice. And then I got upset and then they were upset that I was upset (jeez Angie get on with it!) and then when they came to apologize was when they changed into someone else.
I'm not good with making decisions so when it comes to making big decisions I'm hopeless. I think I'm on the verge of making a good bad decision. I think there's something that I need to take a step back from. Like drugs, anything that can make you feel amazing or absolutely horrible can't be good for you. Nothing scares me more than a person determining my mood, it freaks me the hell out. Now is not the best time to be feeling like this. Anyway I'm rambling... again. The bottom line is that I can feel as in control as I want, to be honest I do feel pretty damn much in control. That's all for now, I'll take this day to clear my head.

Nightmare within a dream within a dream...

So lastnight I had this nightmare. I was going insane, like really. I was being shipped off to an insane asylum. My sister was there too I think. I felt like I was getting possessed, something evil was inside of me. When I tried to speak I could only make these horrible dark sounds. Eventually I knew what I had to do. I had to let my body go and float up to the ceiling, my back was up on the ceiling and my arms and legs were hanging down, I could view it like I was watching as a third person. I knew what I had to do, I screamed until the dark voice was gone and my eyes opened up to a bright yellow light and I was fine. Then I woke up to find that I was still in a dream. In the dream I felt so freaked out and scared about my nightmare, then I woke up for real and I was fine.

I think I know where this dream is coming from. 1. could be that I'm scared of the darker side of me (yes that sounds funny if you know me :) 2. I'm letting go of some of my fears.

The other night I dreamt I was in a haunted house. There was this one room that I passed, I could feel that something was in there. Everyone thought it was something evil but I wasn't scared. I felt like it was something good and it was scared itself. I tried to call it out but it didn't wanna come.

I'm house sitting again, I got more cash woohoo! People are gonna get spoilt for Xmas ;)
That's all I have for now, I still don't have the pics of my cupcakes... sooooon.

Cookies Need Love Like Everything Does...

Ok so today I've been in an odd mood. When I get inside my head I get trapped there for a while. Today the thing that has been on my mind is stupid really, but it's a basic need that everyone has. It's the need to feel loved... or just cherished. I think I've spent so much time trying to not want the simple things in life, I've been so scared to commit to people. All that is really is my fear of losing people, when you tell yourself that people can be disposed of it's easier when they eventually leave. I'm starting to get over that dumb, heartless way of thinking. If there are people in your life that make a difference to it you have to let them know. Like my friend, she always tells me that I'm her best friend and she loves me. Those two things scare the hell out of me, the best friend thing - I feel like there's an eternal revolving door for people with that title. and "I love you" - if it's not a family member I can't get those words out. Not even for a friend. But I know I'm getting over that, last night I saw my friend and hell she is the best friend I have, she's so sweet, she makes me laugh and she makes me feel like the person I want to be. I do love her. There I said it! And now the whole day I've been thinking about how much I'd like to have a normal relationship. I want someone to call my own, someone I could just invite over and be comfortable with, someone I could tell my parents about and let them come along with me to visit my dad, someone who my brothers and sister could get along with, someone that I could share my ups and downs with, someone to spoil, someone who I could fall in love with without being afraid. I don't know why no one seems to want that with me. I've always been an inbetweener or a 'not the right time' everything but what I'd really like to be. Anyway, what can I do about it? There are people in my life that make me really happy and I'm grateful for them but at the end of the day if I can't have them to myself what does it matter?
Well that's all the rubbish thats been in my head today.
I'll post pics of the stuff I made when my sister brings her camera.

HELLO!!! :D
Today I'm pretty darn excited. I have to bake tons of goodies for that party we are catering. And the order has been doubled. I'm going to be in the kitchen all day - I LOVE IT!! :D
I feel so excited, if I feel so good about doing this then I just know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
I can't believe I actually fell asleep last night, I felt so wired and I still feel like that hahahahahahha Eeeeeeeek! :D
My sister has come here now, we're supposed to go shopping for the stuff. We've left it so last minute. I could have gotten started yesterday already and I wouldn't have so much to do today, but whatever I don't mind. I just wanna go now but everyone has to have flippin' breakfast first!
Current song on my mind: Lady GaGa - Christmas Tree
I'll post piccies of my goodies sooooon! :)

Hello people. Wow I feel like I haven't written a new post in a while. I didn't realize that last post got published, it was a tad bit negative. I have a lot of ups and downs and it really shows in my posts haha. Anyway... I don't really have much to say. I was supposed to go shopping for the stuff for the party that I am baking things for. But instead I went with my sister and her boyfriend to the mall, they had a mini spending spree. It was nice to see that they were happy. Last night me, my brothers and my mom put up the xmas tree and decorated it. I love moments like that, like the other day... I forgot if I possibly mentioned it on here already. But the other night I had the best time just playing 30 seconds with my brother, it was a full 2 hours or so of just laughing which is amazing. Life is made for these moments. The only thing about last night was that my sister and father weren't there. I know life goes on and people start getting their own lives and families but it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to miss them. Anyway it was great! My puppy loved it too, she tried to eat the tinsel. Its funny, I don't take offense to this I just find it funny. Last year I helped my mom decorate the tree and afterwards she pushed my side against the wall hahaha, this year was more chilled though but I kept making a joke of it. I bought my first Xmas gift yesterday, it was for my brother. I won't say what it is because he might check my blog and it would totally ruin the surprise. I downloaded a few Xmas albums last night. Normally we only get the vibe started after the 9th of December, but I'm starting now. I love this season. I applied for a job, yes I did finally haha, it's a goodie and I'm going to hold thumbs.
That's all I have for now :)

You know, it's so funny. I was juuuust thinking, "oh my sister's boyfriend is okaaay I guess, whatever I'll stop being mean and rude" and then!!!!!!!!!! He goes and invites his brother (PIG OLD MAN) that says disgusting remarks about me TO OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUR CHRISTMAS LUNCH!!!!!! Ahhh gosh, I LOVE Christmas and if there is ONE THING one thing that I don't want ruined it would be Christmas. Now I have to feel uncomfortable in my own house on my favourite day! CRAP!
Anyway... that sucks but what can I do? :(

People are so difficult, with everything! I want uncomplicated everything in my life. Next year will be good and productive but simple and straight forward.
I hope I have a good weekend, I just want to go Xmas shopping this whoooole weekend! :) Yay! And I gotta get started on preparing my gingerbread house and/or castle.
Have a great weekend all!

Okay wow, for an unemployed girl I sure am busy. Okay not that busy.... My sister runs an events company and I've been trying to find her more musicians, which is a lot flippin' harder than I thought. Also everyone pays so crap so I mean it's difficult! Anyway it's fun none the less.
And now she has got a kids party to do. I'm going to be making a lot of the things, the cake, some cupcakes, meringues, rice crispy treats and that's it I think. It doesn't seem like a lot. I really really love baking so I'm happy that I finally have a party to bake for. It is a kids party so I can't go wild with wonderfully detailed things. Everything is going to be quite simple. I think the cake will be my simple choc cake recipe with chocolate buttercream icing and fun little decorations on top along with the kids name. The rice crispy treats will be more like cocopop treats with a drizle of dark chocolate on top. The meringues will be petite and have different colours. And they wanted pig face cup cakes but I mean gross, I'm not going to put a piggy face on my cupcakes ever, so I'm going to do vanilla cupcakes with a blue buttercream icing and have piratey kinda decorations on them. I wanna make it proper boyish stuff. His parents were mighty impressed with my mousse cake, let's hold fingers that they order that one day. But you know what, there isn't much money to be made in cakes I see now. Like my mousse cake literally costs R90 so to make a profit on that will make the cake seem so expensive. Cupcakes on the other hand might be okay. I need to find a cheap place for everything.
Anyway that's pretty much all for now. I decided to continue working on my robot face because it is looking pretty cool.
In my personal, ya there isn't much news there, was supposed to do some stuff with some people but I've found that when it comes to people that I know - plans are just not plans. (Sharls I'm not referring to the tea party :p)

So Here's My Plan...

1. Work and Save
2. Make My Cake Recipe Book & Write a Good Novel
3. Travel
4. Fall In Love
5. Get Married
6. Have Children
7. Continue To Write & Bake
8. Be a Fantastic Person
HAVE I GONE INSANE??? :D

"Everybody's Fine"

Ok so I was having a good day... well to be honest this is how my day went... I woke up at like 6am and I thought of a great plan to study Graphic design next year... anyway besides the obvious fact that I'm too late. I went back to sleep for like half an hour then my sister woke me up to say she brought a movie she rented, do I want to watch. So I went to go watch it. And wouldn't you know it, it was just the worst movie I could have watched right now. It was "Everybody's Fine" with Robert di Niro. Its about a guy that tries to make plans with his kids and they all bail out, then he goes to see each of them. They all basically have been lying to impress him because he wanted so much from them. The thing is they were all pretty great, they acomplished what they wanted to and what he wanted them to. It just made me think even more about the disapointed I am. The only thing my parents can be proud of with me is that I'm a good kid, I don't drink or smoke and I don't go frolicking around with every guy I lay my eyes on. But who really cares, in their eyes I think that only means I'm not having fun. How did I get to this point of being absolutely nothing? My mom likes to remind me that I have done some great things, but come on, she's my mom, of course she would tell me that. At least my dad doesn't sugar coat it, I know how he feels, he tries to be proud but he doesn't have a lot to work with. When I was little I had such big dreams. I wanted to work for NASA, be a film maker basically be anything that would make my parents proud. Now look at me. I've really screwed up.
Just after I wrote this my dad phoned me to help his girlfriend look for their dog that ran away. Someone found the dog though as I got there, thank goodness. He was fine. And then after that she texted me to say I am such a kind hearted person (I must take after my mom because she is the most amazing person. Depsite everything she also came with me to look for the dog and she does it with a smile and hugs all around) and then my dad also texted to say that I'm such a bright shining star. Maybe that's all I've ever be, a kind hearted person. Maybe I should try a little harder not to screw that up too. Lord knows I'm doing my best to be anti-social. I know this is going to sound crazy, yes it's so not like me to say this. But today I've been wondering if maybe I would excel in being a wife and mother. There I said it!! Hahaha. Crazy right?? But seriously I'm 22 years old and I'm so worried about how I've screwed up my life. There is a lot of life left, yes I'll probably screw up for a few more years. Maybe I won't but maybe one day when I do get married I could be great. This is so out of character of me, I'm the one who thinks that when woman get married they turn into mindless robots. I always make a joke with my sister that she should go out and buy plain white plim soles because she is such a wife (the plimsole thing is an inside joke about wife shoes) But ya, I don't know whats up with me warming up to the idea of getting married and being a mom. Its really weird. I'm gonna snap out of it right now. Ok I think maybe because something my dad said the other day, he said that my uncle has grandchildren and his brother and sister have their grandchildren and what does he have. Ok I don't think he expects me to pop out kids in the next year, in fact he's probably counting on me not to get pregnant haha he's obviously referring to my sister who is 12 years older than me and my brother who is 10 years older than me. But I would really like to have kids... you know... before, like while my dad is still young enough to enjoy his grandchildren. His dad got to see us all, he died the same year that I was born. My mom wasn't as fortunate though, her father only got to see my sister. She often talks about how much her dad would have loved us. I think my dad and my mother would be amazing grandparents, they would love all our children so much. Ok Angie, stop now! :)

Its getting really Christmassy everywhere now, I love it! I can't wait to put up our tree soon and go Christmas shopping.
I haven't made another new picture again so I'll post an oldie. Ooohh I'll post a picture of a cake I made in September for my sister's bday. It's a chocolate mousse cake with a ganache topping and a chocolate band.

Good morning people who read my blog! I woke up this morning feeling absolutely great. Which is usually the case of every morning, I do love my life and everything in it. But lately I've been feeling rather down and by lately I only mean the last two days. As I'm sure you can tell by my whacked out moody last blog. Anyway! Last night I went to bed feeling really really low, you know, it was one of those nights where everything looks bad. I felt so down about where I had gotten to in my life... nowhere! To be completely honest I shed a few tears before I fell asleep. So naturally when I go to sleep like that I wake up like that. BUT not this morning, noooo this morning I woke up in a fantastic mood! At first I was like yay let me get working on my life, it's time for me to stop effing around now thinking that writing or baking will get me anywhere in life. Then I thought to myself, why not make life easy for yourself and go study Graphic Design?? DUH! Like if I had to study something why not study something related to art? Because lets face it, I never ever want to study three years for a degree and then get a dreadful office job. Yes graphic design may also lead to an office job but at least I will get to be creative. That's all I really want in life is to be creative. Yes I know I might be setting myself up for a huge downfall, I'm gonna go check how much it'll cost and then that's probably going to ruin my day... oh shit :( Oh well, I'm going to pretend that isn't an issue right now. Anyway, that's all for now. I started making myself another robot face last night, to represent just how robotic and unfeeling I can be. But the picture wasn't working out too good, I think because at the time I wasn't feeling robotic and numb, I was feeling weak and sad so I gave up on the robot face and let my natural dumb human feelings run its course and now I feel good. But I don't have a picture to add to my blog... so here's an oldie that I did a while back.

Okay before I go ranting on, I do believe that people get the exact lives that they want, or at least the one that they can handle. But in saying that, I do wish my life went down a more normal path sometimes. Ya I went an had an awesome experience in Ireland and I wouldn't change it. I got to go to Paris twice, Spain, London and I had a lovely time in Ireland, I learned so much more from that than I bet I would have if I stayed in SA. But sometimes I wish I didn't leave SA, I would have loved to have finished school, had a matric dance and school friends that I could keep for years. And I've never been one for conventional stereotypical kinda relationships but I wish one day I could have a normal relationship. Why are all my boy adventures always so messed up? I wish I could meet someone, go on normal dates and then happily enjoy being in one of those relationships that last longer than a week. Maybe I would hate it, that's why its never happened. I wish I didn't have this hideous fear of people leaving, even friends. When I feel like people aren't keen on me anymore I like to back away. My brother said to me today that I live in my own little Angie world, where if people don't act accordingly I dispose of them. I said why not, its better to cut people out than be hurt. Its spares me the pain and them the time. I might sound like a crazy hermit freak but I enjoy being on my own. I used to go out a lot. And sometimes when I went I would feel this horrible lonely feeling, I always used to think that something was missing in my life. I stopped going out because of work and then when I left work I never felt like going out. I shut people out and had a serious amount of me time, and guess what? I never felt that lonely feeling again, until the next time I went out. I always feel more lonely in a crowded room than I do sitting at home alone. I like people don't get me wrong, but I feel like people have the power to effect the way I feel about myself and I absolutely hate that. There's nothing worse to me than feeling down because of someone else. On my own I make myself happy, I'm productive and I'm invinceble. I like being in control of how I feel. Anyway, I really want to get some stuff done before the end of the year, I want to makes stacks of cash! I'm waiting on some people to get back to me and I might just be rolling in it haha not really but ya I'll be happy.
I made this picture lastnight, this was my second seen as stupid me forgot to save and my laptop crashed :(

Anyway enough of mopey me, I really do hope to be more positive tomorrow. I'm sending my friend in Scotland a letter with a little surprise in it, I'm curious to see how much it will cost.

This evening when I was walking around the mall (gateway) I came up with an awesomely cute idea. I have a few friends that I need to catch up with but its so hard to make plans and stick to all of them. SOOOOO!! I'm going to have a pre-xmas ladies tea!! :):):):) I think it could be wonderful, I worked out what I'm going to make already and how I'm going to decorate and I worked out the costs. I'm so excited! I wanted to do a tea party for my bday but who says I can't also do it now? Yay!

Everything else that was on my mind, I've had a good think about it and in the words of Wavves - I'm just having fun :)

Today my head feels a lot more clear. It feels good, I don't like not being in control of my thoughts and stuff. I like to feel grounded. Anyway, I took a flippin' stack of pics today, is it totally weird and vain to like pictures of yourself? hahaha I think it is... :/

I don't really have much to say today. I feel like my life has been pretty slow for the past year and now in the last two months or so I've been struggling to keep up with stuff.

So its the second last month of the year and my father hasn't asked me about studying, I think I'm probably gonna get my wish and have a year where I can explore other things. If you know me I know what you're thinking, I'm just gonna have a repeat of this year, staying at home with no job and not studying. But I feel like this year I have learnt and grown more than I have when I was working or studying. When I was working I felt like I was put on pause mode, I had no life I didn't have time to think about myself all I ever thought about was work, even my dreams were about work. I couldn't think of anything worse for me. This year I was able to learn how to bake, I wrote my novel and other stuff. I feel like I have a better prospective on life, I swear I've gotten smarter by doing nothing haha. But next year I will be more productive. Writing a novel is productive to me but not for the real world, people don't realise how much focus you need to put into writing. So this next year I will be getting a part-time job to pay for my baking and I'm gonna make a cake recipe book and also I'll do other things, I'm not sure what right now but I will try seem like less of a disappointment child haha :/

Now I am gonna be ridiculously narcissistic and leave a picture of myself because I haven't made a new vector.

 

There's a lot on my mind, I feel like I'm going a tiny but insane. Tomorrow I'll have a chance to slow down, sleep in and chill. Today was the last day of house sitting. I am so tired, I haven't been sleeping so good lately and lastnight I practically had no sleep. I tried to get a nap in but that is pretty much impossible when you've got a bird screaming and whistling for your attention and when you have a bunch o' stuff to do. There's just so much on my mind...

Anyway I've made pictures and my brother showed me the most amazing video today! I have to share it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X21mJh6j9i4

AND here are some songs;

The Black Keys - Howlin' For You
Far East Movement - G6
Martin Sloveig - Hello
Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand
Best Coast - Honey
Jason Walker - Down
Cash Cash - Sugar Rush
Marching On - One Republic
And more that I can't think of right now.

You Can Plan A Pretty Picnic But You Can't Predict The Weather

I haven't posted on here in a while. I think its because I haven't had anything to say but at the same time so much to say, but some things can't be said. On that absolutely non-confusing note... I'll change the subject.

I've been trying to come up with some ideas that will prevent me from having to find a boring job. I've thought of the idea of starting my own market, selling my plushies and or cakes and selling weed, hell I think its already growing in my garden... no I'm kidding, I wouldn't do that. I would like to do something that would push me to where I want to be in life. Where I don't want to be ever again is working in a retail store, a coffee shop or an office job. I want to be doing something creative. Anyway. Its housesitting time again so at first I thought Yay more dresses, but I've decided rather to keep it towards my X-mas gift fund. Woohoo its getting there.

Oh! I got pretty new pink paper and my friend from Scotland sent my these lovely bath salts in her letter to me and it made my letter smell absolutely stunning. That inspired me to scent all my letters, it just makes them that much better. I <3 letters so much! I wish more people sent me letters, they are too cool.

Ok thats enough for today. Seen as I didn't make a new picture I'll leave a pamphlet thingy I made for my plushies.

This Post Is Dedicated to My Beetle - Steve

I love my beetle. It was once own by my late uncle Steven. He was the best. He was so cool, one day I asked him if he had a sharpener for my pencil, he took me to his garage and sharpened my pencil with this huge saw thing. He also taught me how to give a proper punch without breaking my knuckles. Anyway, he bought this beetle as a weekend car. He died a number of years ago. He was loved very much.
For my 21st my father bought the car from my Aunty. Him and my brother worked on it in secret. They stripped it down, gave it a brand new paint job and news sport seats and everything. The amount of work they put in my beetle is ridiculous. I love my beetle. It the moment everytime I look at the car I feel guilty, because I don't know a thing about cars and I don't know how to fix its engine and because I haven't got my driver's yet. But I still love it.

My day did get a lot better. My cake came out successfully and my day brightened instantly when I got a pretty smelling letter from my friend in Scotland. I <3 mail!
And then I went to dinner at my friend's house. It was lovely to catch up, as it always is. But eating was like torture, my mouth hurts so bad and of course after eating, like a fool I had to go get sick :( Right then and there in their apartment, so embaressing! (In the bathroom of course not on their floor)
Anyway I feel better now but I don't know when I'll be able to keep a meal down. The only things that are safe to eat are like light things like yogurt, cereal and fruit. Anything else and I get sick. Its rather annoying.
Its the weekend yay! Okay to me weekends aren't such a big deal because everyday is like a weekend for me, how awesome! But anyway, I hope to go get beads to make fun necklaces and koki's because mine are running out. Peace out.
I'll post picks of the cake tomorrow. Right now I'm way to sleepy to do anything constructive.

Today is one of those days where I'm up and a bit down. I'm up because why not? Life is good and I'm happy and I'm baking which always makes me happy.
And I'm a bit down because I feel a bit over people at the moment. I'm very sensitive and feel hurt by the dumbest little things. I'm going for a dinner at a friend's house tonight though which should be good. But other than that I want to take a break from social activities again. I'm so tempted to deactivate my FB account. The only thing that is keeping me from doing it is that I want to know when my little pen pals get their letters.
I also feel down because I feel like I've come up with this idea for my novel but I don't know if I'm the right person to write it. Maybe I should adjust it in a way that suits me more. I've sent out like 5 query letters to some agents, I'm going to wait for their response before I move forward with any writing.
The thing that is probably making me miserable is the fact that my mouth is in pain and I can't eat.
Anyway I'll write again when I'm feeling a bit more cheerful.

Okay so it has become flippin' impossible for me to eat! First I kept getting sick after every meal, which still happens if the meal is in any way slightly unhealthy. And now both sides of my mouth are sore because my bottom wisdom teeth are growing out of the gums, I have that damn chipped tooth and now obviously I drank out of a dirty cup or something when I went out because I have a sore on my gum. Its so painful to eat!! :( Okay I think I might be done complaining...

I went for a nice walk earlier on the beach front. I love watching the ocean. Yesterday I also went and the sea looked beautiful because the clouds were grey and the waves were rough. Looked all cool and mysterious.
Tomorrow I am going to finally make a cake for the first time in a long time. Its gonna be the Orange cake that seemed to work out so well last time. I'm going to dinner and I feel like I should contribute something. So hopefully it looks pretty and I can take a picture to put on here.

Why Dance With The Devil When You Have Me?

Okay so I've given it some thought and my mom also advised me on this, I should first write my query letter and synopsis before I go writing my whole long novel. I can send it out to agents and see if I get any bites. I feel like this story is a winner... unlike that other crap. Hahaha I'm kidding, I liked that story too but maybe it was only something I would like. This has a lot of commercial apeal. Anyway so I've written all the relevent things I need to, to send it off to agents. I just need to find a title, I don't know why that is always the last thing that comes to me. BUT I'm EXCITED!! :) This is gonna be a goodie!
Oh also, I told my mom what its all about, now she's not one of those moms that tell you something is good even when it isn't. She's honest when it comes to stuff like this and she really seems to like it, yay! My critical brother also thinks it sounds good. Woohoo!
That's all for now...

Plot Points Done

Ok so I've written down all my plot points for my story. There are 45 plot points which means it should roughly be around 225 pages on microsoft word. I usually like to do more in case I get stuck or decided to edit some out but I'm feeling pretty confident about this one. I'm actually rather excited about it. I wanted it to be the right amount of dark and sexy and the first wave of ideas I did yesterday just weren't incorperating the sexy aspect of it. I feel weird saying sexy all the time haha. Anyway I feel like I've got the best possible story here out of my idea. To give a hint but not say too much, it's basically a classic tale of good versus evil but its so much more than that.
I think anyone who calls themselves a writer would be excited to write this story because I feel like I'm going to be able to fully delve into the very good side of me and the small dark side of me. Everyone has a wicked side and I find it quite comforting to know that I can express it in my writing rather than in real life. I feel like I'm going to have a lot of fun writing this.

Oh and here is a picture of the plushie I made my friend, the ligthing and stuff isn't amazing but whatever, you can still see how cute it it. Also the skirt looks a lot better in real life. I hope my friend doesn't read my blog otherwise I'm ruining her surprise haha.

Okay so I'm trying to get the best possible story out of my idea. I got an awesome technique from David Trotter's Screenwriter's Bible. Yes I know I'm not writing a screenplay. But a story is a story. Every story has to have a beginning, a middle and an end. So anyway this technique basically is to see the dips and kinks in your story, to see if you're got the right things going on that will keep the reader hooked. I've done a few of these because like I said I want the best possible story. I seem to be sticking to the same idea so today I'm going to listen to the play list that I set up to inspire me. I like listening to music and create a scene in my head, then it all starts to come to me.

I finished making my plushie, it looks so cute! I think probably the cutest little bugger I've made so far. I was going to send it away in a box but then I thought the post office people will want to charge me a whole lot. So I'm going to put it in a padded envelope. I'm getting post office smart haha.
Its for a friend that I met a little  over a year ago. The first day I met her I had to share a room with her for five days. Being the freak with personal space bubbles issues that I am, I was dreading it. But she was so easy to get along with. We were both a little bit insane at that time because we had the same job but in different cities and we hated the same people. So we got along through talking about the awful people in our lives. In those five days we became really good friends. And she likes plushies so last year I decided to make her one but woah I got sidetracked so this year I just have to.

Okay so today I'm going to get cracking on creating the story. I swear I had something else to do but I just can't think of it.

New Novel Idea

This morning I woke up and found that my lip had swelled up and now the whole day I've been forced to speak like a hillbilly chewing on tabaco. Its a fever blister. So I googled how to fix it quick, the only remedy that I can try is putting a tea bag on it three times a day for the duration of the "outbreak."

On a happy, less gross note... a new idea for a novel has popped into my head. I'm working on it now to get the best possible story out of it. Its going to be nothing like my previous novel. Its going to be dark and sexy. Yes I know, thats so not me but this idea might just be amazing. There's nothing I love more than getting an idea in my head and letting grow and grow until its a full story. I already have a stack of music lined up to inspire me. Maybe thats a mistake I made with my previous novel, I didn't have any music to inspire it. Anyway this time I do and its just so gooood. I love this feeling! This means that I'm gonna have to take a little bit of a break from FaceBook and my oh so hectic social life. I want to give my all to this story. I am however going to finish making a plushie for my dear friend. I got started on it yesterday, I haven't forgotten how to do it woohoo!

I was so excited about this I didn't even draw a new picture for my blog so I'll leave you with a picture of one of my little cupcakes that I made.

So this morning I woke up and weighed myself just for kicks. Turns out I've lost 2kgs since last week. That's flippin' cool seen as I've done bugger all to lose. See this chipped tooth is gonna be great for me haha.

I got inspired and started exercising and eating healthy again from today. By exercising I mean putting in an old 90's Ibiza Salsa CD on and do freestyle salsa dancing. Its a lot more fun than cardio and its does wonders to the soul to dance around and act like an idiot for an hour each day.

For Christmas I'd really love to send everyone a gift, but its so damn expensive so screw that haha. There are some people though that are worth it. Today I think I'm going to make a plushie for the first in a long time. I have a friend that I've wanted to send a plushie to since like a year ago so this time I'm actually gonna do it.

Oh yes, I didn't win the R500 voucher. That sucks. But oh well maybe there'll be another one.

So I found a new websitre with tons of agents. I've started sending off query letters. But I want to know, am I just kidding myself? Does my novel really suck? I wonder if I should just give up on it... I dunno. I know you're not supposed to give up but surely there's a point where you do. Well until I've written something else I guess I won't give up.

Ok so its kind of turned out to be a weird week. You don't fully know how crapped up your week has been until the whole thing is done. Okay not all of it was bad. It was a good week to be fair, but I had a few plans lined up and every single one of those plans fell through. Okay while I was writing this one of the plans happened right. I got some yummy baked goods from a friend - mini cupcakes are more then enough to forgive someone for being 5 hours late. Anyway its really hard for me to trust people and let them in. The only thing you can bet on is that people will always let you down. I'm talking in riddles when all I really want to say is that I don't trust people. I like being on my own and I like keeping my distance because what people can't see they can't hurt. So here's to staying away.

On the bright side of life; I've found a new website with over 300 agents to send my novel to. I've already started to send a few. Awesome.

I look forward to this week being a better week.

Some awesome songs:
Tha Black Keys - Howlin' For You
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - It's a Long Way Down
Wavves - Baseball Cards
The XX - Hot Like Fire
Best Coast - When The Sun Don't Shine
Kasabian - Secret Alphabets
Rooney - Don't Look At Me
Unkle feat. The Black Angels - With you In My Head

(BRMC - Sweet Feeling Song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_bPl_1KPJc

Today was the first day in a whole month that I woke up feeling relaxed, I didn't have anything to annoy me. It was great.
I did my mom's hair this morning, it looks so good. She looks so beautiful and like 20 years younger! I'm pretty chuffed with it. I noticed a great change in the way she felt about herself today. It's so good to feel good about yourself.
We went to try a new coffee shop that just opened up. My brother and I felt a little bit against it because we found out that its owned by a big time asshole that we know. Like a real jerk that I'd love to chuck a hot cup of coffee in his face, that bad - he sucks! Anyway the place, apart from being hella expensive was pretty nice.
I don't really have much more to say now. I think God is good, because I feel quite hurt about something but there are so many other good things in my life that I can't bring myself to feel sad about it.

Oh yes, back to Dorian Gray. I didn't get to read today, I was a busy bee. But its on my mind. So far I prefer Lord Henry. If there was an option to be an influencer or influencee I'd much rather be the latter. To be so mindless and corruptible is silly. To be someone that has such a strong view on life that they can change the way people live is awesome. Obviously I wouldn't be like Lord Henry though, I'd influence people in a good way. Sometimes its fun though to be a bit devious. Honestly I don't think I'm capable of being devious though. I think I'll stay young forever because I never sin haha. Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now because I'm talking a whole lot of crap. Goodnight.

Ok so a few hours ago I thought I had a lot to write about, but I don't like writing a new post unless I have a picture to go with it. So I went out for a bit, drew a picture and now it seems I can't remember what it is that I wanted to write about. I'll give it a shot and see if any of it comes back to me.

Firstly I'd like to share yet another dream. This morning I dreamt I was driving in a car with both of my brothers. My oldest brother was driving and he was going so fast that we missed our turnoff to go home. So I yelled "hey you missed the turnoff" and he said "So you can get out whenever you want" I thought how stupid because he's going so fast that if I had to get out of the car I would flippin' die. And then my other brother opened his door and jumped out of the car. He went rolling on the ground and then ran to the river/sea that was next to the road. In the river/sea were huge rocks in the shape of turtles, he jumped from rock to rock until he got to the cave on the other side. So then my brother told me to do the same and I said I can't, there's no way I could do that. But I did, I also jumped out of the car and attempted to jump on the rocks. I fell a few times and got drenched by the water but eventually I made it to the other side and I felt so good about it.
As soon as a woke up I knew what the dream was trying to show me, it showed me that its time to stand on my own two feet and also time I know that I'm more capable than I think I am. Its a positive change from my previous dreams, normally I'm drowning in the sea or really scared of it but this time I conquered it!

Next. I started reading Dorian Gray yesterday. Its so good! I've only read three chapters so far and I'm hooked, the way that Dorian Gray is explained is enough to make anyone fall in love with him. and Sir Henry has an awesomely wicked and wise way of speaking and influencing Dorian Gray.

Today I got frozen jogurt (wow breaking news right?) but I forgot how good it is! Being European, my senses are a very important part of my life. To see beautiful things, hear amazing music and to taste special food. To me frozen jogurt is transcendent, it might seem way odd but eating it takes me to a place where I feel pretty and loved, somewhere on the beach where the sun is hugging my skin and slowly melting the yummy treat. I think for my next first date, I want to go to the beach front and eat frozen jogurt. Yes I am weird to be thinking about that but whatever. I'm allowed to be weird here, its my blog.

Oh! And how could I forget! My guests have finally left! Anyone up for a party? hehehe. I will miss my sister but I'll probably still see her everyday so its okay. Now every morning I can wake up peacefully and not have all kinds of things to annoy me wherever I look. It is going to be magical! I can go back to being my happy little self. My sister's boyfriend said to her that he knows I don't like him, my sister told him thats rubbish so he said no, he knows that I hate him. Hahahaha. But then she said if I hated him I wouldn't have helped him the other night when he couldn't breathe. Which is true, I don't hate anyone. I just strongly dislike him and I think its good that he knows that. He mustn't ever think for one second that any of us think that he is good enough for my sister. Oh and I spoke too soon, they're coming here for dinner, crap!

Here's some more music likes;
Black Rebel MotorCycle Club - Sweet Feeling
The Black Keys - I'm Not The One
Cee Lo Green - What Part of Forever
Best Coast - Each and Every day
William Control - Why Dance With The Devil When You Have Me
Metric - Help I'm Alive
Local Natives - Wide Eyes
Iron and Wine - Such Great Heights

Christmas List

For once I've made my Christmas list early, well since I was a youngling. Then I would practically make my Christmas list right after my birthday which is in Feb.
So here it is :)
Duvet Cover Set (pink, girly)
Other stuff for my room
Clothes - mostly dresses (and pretty much only from Mr. Price)
Shoes (takkies, sandals, pretty heels or flat pumps)
Accessories (mostly want necklaces)
Books (Fiction)
Recipe Books (cupcakes, cakes or cookie recipe books)
Camera (not a hugely expensive one but a good one)

That's pretty much it for now :)
I want to start decorating early because its better to have the stuff up earlier than leave it on later. I think we may be getting a real Christmas tree this year. My brother only likes the real ones. Frankly I don't think they hold the decorations very well, but they look and smell cool. I should have gotten a part time job so I could save money to get my family some prezzies. Crap, I should have thought about that earlier.

I'm considering taking a few steps back into my comfy little hermit hole. If my happiness was left in the hands of other people I'd be one miserable fool. Luckily I know by now how people can be and I know how to keep myself happy. I'm not gonna lie it sucks when people are crappy to me, the last two days haven't been the best people days. I have myself to blame for most of it though. Anyway, its no one in specific that is getting me down, its a few people all at once. But then again I have wonderful people in my life right now that make me happy too. So I guess there is a balance. Its just easier to feel sad sometimes than be happy. I think its horrible that we can let people make us feel so unhappy, the smallest things can ruin my day. So today there were a few things and its not even 12pm yet. Screw it! Music you are my bestest friend!

Last night I didn't dream of Never Campbell woohoo! I did however have some messed up dreams, the one thing I can remember is that I had to cross a bridge over a lake of lava and each time I did it (I had to do it a few times for some reason) I had to kill a woman that came out of the lake. All the while there was a ginger cat with us and the very last time I crossed the bridge the cat killed the woman and I could get over the bridge.

Gosh if people read this blog they must think I'm the most miserable person in the world, I'm not really. Soon very soon I will be able to wake up and just be happy again. 

I love seeing new emails in my junk folder because 9 times out of ten if will be an email from an agent. But unfortunately it just just another rejection letter. Crap! Oh well. I still haven't heard from Nancy, I think its time I take that as a rejection too. I was really hoping to get this novel published. I know its not time to hand in the towel or whatever the hell that saying is but I think its time to re-edit the story perhaps and try again.

In other news, my sister and her troll gang are moving out this week. I'm going to miss seeing her everyday but holy crap I'm gonna throw a party when they leave! Ohhh boy I'm gonna be one happy little chappy! The place they moving into is pretty sweet, its literally opposite the beach and it has a lovely view. I'm gonna take advantage of that and go walk on the beachfront with my sister every morning.

I think the tooth that got chipped is actually going to help me lose weight. I said no to ice cream this evening... ME saying no to ice cream! Its a big deal, this could be good. In saying that though I want to get it sorted out quickly. I know how fast these things can go downhill.

Well I hope I have wonderful Neve Campbell-less dreams tonight and I hope I can sleep in this heat.
Peace out suckahs.

So this morning started off with a negative bang. I woke up and I got annoyed by the usual things that annoy the crap out of me. Anyway and then I'm happily eating an apple and afterwards I noticed that there is a big chunk out of one of my teeth. That makes me really sad because my brother just had his teeth done and it costs so much. I'm so scared that I'm not going to be able to fix it. I know it isn't the biggest problem in the world to have I AM aware of what other people go through and my problems are pale in comparison but in my little world a chunk out of my tooth is a big problem okay?? I can sit here and play the blame game in my head all day if I like but what the hell is that going to solve? I'm just gonna get over it. I'm just going to get over everything and try move on happily. My sister's boyfriend is a jerk asshole that doesn't treat her right, so what? I'm over it, there's nothing I can do to get her to see it. There is a huge ass gaping whole in my tooth! So What? I'm over it! I can't do a full workout in the morning because there are always people in and out of the house. So what? I'm friggin' over it! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE!!! So what? So what? Who am I kidding, I'm very much not over it!

In other news. Neve Campbell has featured in my last two nights dreams. First it was the end of the world and she and a team were coming to save people but she wanted to kill me. Last night, she was in my dream again and we were all running from something and she was so scared, I could feel her fear and it scared me too. I find this quite amusing. I think my mind is using pop culture to try tell me something. See Neve Campbell as a dream icon would represent a 'Scream Queen.' I think there's something that my subconcious is very afraid of. I didn't really know what it could be until now, after right all that crap up there. Clearly I'm fearful about where my life is headed. If I'm being totally honest with myself I know that I'm not going to study next year. There is just no money for that. And I'm quite indecisive about what I want to study. I know what I want to do with my life. I want to create things, I want to write stories, or bake cakes or create art.  I don't want to have a stupid retail job or restaurant job ever again. And I certainly don't want a 9 to 5 office job. I will go absolutely mad! So yes, that's where I get indecisive, I want to study something good but some people don't think what I want to study is a proper thing. I wish I could just go live up in an ice cave or something for a year to sort myself out. Okay, I don't want to live in a flippin' ice cave, I just want some time to think. Its not fair putting pressure on someone to do something and then when they want to do it you have a problem with it. Oh gosh, its not right to start your day off thinking like this. Its so negative.

So I'm gonna try change my mood, with good music, something yummy to eat and by making a wicked picture. Peace out!

Neve Campbell in Scream

Some new fave songs of mine:

Best Coast - Honey
Rooney - Not In My House
The Black Keys - These Days
One Republic - Lullaby
Cee Lo Green - No Ones Gonna Love You
The Pretty Reckless - You
Temper Trap - The Drum song
Sia - My Love
Beck & Bat For Lashes - Let's Get Lost
Local Natives - Who Know Who Cares & Airplanes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAHD6WQSBWo

My First Cappuccino

This morning I had my very first cappucinno. I'm like a five year old, everytime I took a sip I had a giggle. My family are big coffee drinkers, we're Italian so they appreciate a good cup of coffee but I've never been into it. It was disgusting but I had to try it sometime and it was fun. I think I don't take myself seriously enough to drink coffee. I'm the kind of person that orders milkshakes or milk and cookies.

I had other stuff to say but I totally forgot... Oh well, it'll come to me sooner or later.

Recent Artwork

All my vectors are done with a pen tool and I use Adobe Photoshop.