Okay before I go ranting on, I do believe that people get the exact lives that they want, or at least the one that they can handle. But in saying that, I do wish my life went down a more normal path sometimes. Ya I went an had an awesome experience in Ireland and I wouldn't change it. I got to go to Paris twice, Spain, London and I had a lovely time in Ireland, I learned so much more from that than I bet I would have if I stayed in SA. But sometimes I wish I didn't leave SA, I would have loved to have finished school, had a matric dance and school friends that I could keep for years. And I've never been one for conventional stereotypical kinda relationships but I wish one day I could have a normal relationship. Why are all my boy adventures always so messed up? I wish I could meet someone, go on normal dates and then happily enjoy being in one of those relationships that last longer than a week. Maybe I would hate it, that's why its never happened. I wish I didn't have this hideous fear of people leaving, even friends. When I feel like people aren't keen on me anymore I like to back away. My brother said to me today that I live in my own little Angie world, where if people don't act accordingly I dispose of them. I said why not, its better to cut people out than be hurt. Its spares me the pain and them the time. I might sound like a crazy hermit freak but I enjoy being on my own. I used to go out a lot. And sometimes when I went I would feel this horrible lonely feeling, I always used to think that something was missing in my life. I stopped going out because of work and then when I left work I never felt like going out. I shut people out and had a serious amount of me time, and guess what? I never felt that lonely feeling again, until the next time I went out. I always feel more lonely in a crowded room than I do sitting at home alone. I like people don't get me wrong, but I feel like people have the power to effect the way I feel about myself and I absolutely hate that. There's nothing worse to me than feeling down because of someone else. On my own I make myself happy, I'm productive and I'm invinceble. I like being in control of how I feel. Anyway, I really want to get some stuff done before the end of the year, I want to makes stacks of cash! I'm waiting on some people to get back to me and I might just be rolling in it haha not really but ya I'll be happy.
I made this picture lastnight, this was my second seen as stupid me forgot to save and my laptop crashed :(

Anyway enough of mopey me, I really do hope to be more positive tomorrow. I'm sending my friend in Scotland a letter with a little surprise in it, I'm curious to see how much it will cost.